Back at it! Maybe… sorta… I don’t know.

Wide Asleep Mom has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve been thinking more and more about what’s been going on in my life. Some of which I am in control of, most of it I’m not. But this thinking has lead me to the conclusion, maybe it’s time to get back into writing. There are so many things happening in my mind. Some are serious (at least to me) and some are random and stupid (again, to me). So I thought maybe writing this down would help. Spill the rambling voices in my mind out into words.

Maybe it will help me sort through those thoughts.

Perhaps there are other people out there going through the same thing.

Most likely, it will give me another distraction then letting my mind turn to mush while playing Candy Crush Saga.

All of these are wins! But then there is one thought that is hard for me to move past: The criticism I may face for telling the world about my problems. I’ve shared pretty crappy events from time to time here. Then ended up hurting people I care very much about in the process.

Never ever have I set out to hurt people. My only goal with this blog is to heal myself.

 

So here we go….  hold on….

Come along with me if you dare!

January 1st – Trying again.

Well well well….. a slacker has caught up with herself.  It appears I completely checked out after my last post in July. So here we are January 1st, 2014. I managed to stay awake to see midnight, and I’ve come up with a couple things that hope to change about 2014. 

Firstly, blog more. Last summer I got over whelmed and lost in our family life and before I knew it it was so far into the school year I was near drowning in all the responsibilities of being mom. Plus I started a new push on getting my own career back up and going. So now that we’re through the tough part of a year i’m going to make a valiant effort to blog more and keep it going. When I look back on the time I spent blogging I think I was generally happier and calmer. So lets go back there. 

Secondly, get healthy. This is not a dream to be skinny enough to wear a bikini – I know my children have marked my body enough that that wouldn’t be a good thing. But a wish for our entire family to get on track to live a healthier lifestyle; get out to enjoy the amazing things we have so close to our home. To run with our kids and have them get tired before we do, bike ride some of the hundreds of paths along Lake Huron, drink more water! 

Lastly, read more! Reading more means i’m making more time for me at an hour that isn’t meant for sleeping. Friends of mine have set goals like 100 books a year, but i’m going to be realistic with myself, 45 books a year.  I’m starting my year off with Jen Lancaster’s JenerationX. 

Hopefully ofer the next week or two I will be able to catch you up on everything that went down in the later half of 2013. 

2014

Momma’s checked out

Here we are, three weeks in the summer vacation. And I feel like i’m starting to check out. I find myself in the mornings sitting at the kitchen table practically hugging my coffee and hoping that the girls can get along today and play and let me have my coffee in the relative quiet of them playing nicely and not screeching at each other.

I am thrilled it took three weeks to get to this point. It would have been nicer had we not gotten here at all, but I was putting money on it only being 2 hours into the summer before the girls started in on each other. Leading up to the last day of school in the few hours before and after school they had together I experienced so many arguments I began fearing how our summer break would go.

Is was beginning to assert herself more; She began doing a good job using her words. Is would say ‘Emmy NO!’ multiple times getting louder with each one. But Em didn’t seem to hear her and would continue on with whatever it was she was doing. I would intervene when I could, but before long Is learned to use her hands in order to get her sisters attention. One evening as we climbed the stairs to bed, Em was following Is closer then Is liked. Again Is yelled ‘Emmy NO’ and before I could ask Em to stay back three steps her sister took a swing at her, and her tiny fist landed square in her sisters left eye. Em burst into tears. I swept Is up in my arms scolding her and turned to comfort Em. Thankfully Is doesn’t have a strong punch and Em was fine. But it was a real lesson to Em that she needs to listen to her sister and respect her space like she wants to be heard and given space. We’ve had a few little tiffs about sharing toys and who picks the show but nothing like that morning.

This morning I woke to both Em and Is sitting on my bed watching a show on Disney Junior. I laid there quietly and waited for my body to wake up more. I didn’t have to jump up to get ready for anything, so I stayed there wondering if they would let me doze off for a bit longer. Who was I kidding? That wasn’t going to happen. We finished the show and proceeded to start the day.

I sat at the table once the girls had eaten and gone off to play, hunched over my coffee staring into its creamy brown goodness and chatted with Mark. I could hear the girls playing with a Strawberry Shortcake toy, Em asking Is to leave her alone and at one point she said ‘Shoo, Scram, get out of here!’ Greeeaaat. I looked at her and said ‘Not nice’ and Em shrugged. I called Is over to play with her princess castle and happily she came and played for a bit. Before long Mark was off to work and Is was wanting to play with her big sister again. And again Em is asking her sister to leave her alone and let her play by herself.

It then dawns on me that they have barely had a moment apart for the past three week. All three of us have been together pretty much non stop since the beginning of July. Em needs a break to play with friends her own age without her little sister under foot. Is needs to get out and run with kids her own age too. And me, I need a nap and some adult conversation.

I feel bad that i’m checking out and not taking the initiative to make up games for all three of us to play, or crafts to do, or even outings to go on. We’ve been to the park once this summer. I’m exhausted and that all seems like too much work. So i’ve found myself sitting at the kitchen table with a coffee and the laptop staring at all the pictures my good mommy friends are sharing of the wonderful things they are doing. Or i’m browsing Pinterest Pinning activities to do with the girls. Or just staring at my design work feeling totally uninspired. We’re in a funk.

Good news is, we are going to the beach with our family this weekend. Mark’s mom, step-dad, his two sisters, a brother in law and 7 more kids! So hopefully the girls having an opportunity to run and play with their cousins and the addition of 6 more adults, me and the girls will get the break we so desperately need.

Maybe then Monday we can do some of those cool activities i’ve been seeing on Facebook and Pinterest. Maybe then they won’t fight so much over toys and what show to watch. Maybe I will check back in and be a better mom.

God I hope I check back in.

mommy-timeout

Awesome (Broke my Mixer) Chocolate Chip Cookies

A few months back I discovered a recipe for Chocolate chip cookies that was soo soo SO good. I made them a few times before the little hand mixer I had been using since college said ‘No More!’ and the beater snapped. The cookie dough is so thick and rich my poor mixer couldn’t take it anymore.

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So I began making those chocolate cookies (and everything else) by hand. In the processes I broke 1 whisk, 2 spatula’s and a plastic slotted spoon. At one point I threatened to stop making them since I broke everything I used to make them. I could have bought myself another hand mixer, but I was hopeful that with Mother’s Day, our wedding anniversary and my birthday coming up maybe there would be a nice big stand mixer in my future. And there was! A lovely Sunbeam MixMaster awaited me on my birthday!

I had to wait for the perfect opportunity to use it. It had to be one of my recipes, and not a cheater box of cake which I’ve been known to make from time to time. The awesome chocolate chip cookies that broke everything but my arm, and determination to make delicious treats that my kids can pronounce the ingredients of.

So as the beaters spun mixing the cookie dough like a freakin boss I was smiling from ear to ear thinking, FINALLY! this machine will do EVERYTHING I want and more i’m sure. Then I thought, I really should share this on Wide Asleep Mom. So here you go! Enjoy! And be warned…. these cookies cause damage to cheap $10 hand mixers.

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Awesome (Broke my Mixer) Chocolate Chip Cookies

You’ll Need:

  • 2 1/4 cups All purpose flour
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 cup softened butter
  • 1 tsp salt (if unsalted butter is used)
  • 1 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1 1/2 tsp vanilla
  • 1/2 cup granulated sugar
  • 2 large eggs
  • 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

What you’ll need to do:

  1. Preheat oven to 350’F
  2. Cream together butter and both brown and granulated sugars until light and fluffy
  3. Add eggs and vanilla mixing thoroughly
  4. Add in flour, baking powder and salt
  5. When throughly fold in chocolate chips
  6. Drop tsp or tbsp sized balls of dough on to a baking sheet with parchment paper
  7. Bake for 10-12 minutes at 350’F – Or until a light golden colour
  8. Allow to cool and EAT (like you need a step for that!)

Note* This time we changed it up and tossed in a box of Smarties (you could used M&M’s too) for colour! The joy of this recipe is that you can be a bit creative with it.

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These cookies never last too long in our house and I tend to eat way more then I should. Hope you and those you share these with enjoy them as much as we do.

 

 

Right of passage: Pierced Ears

Two years ago, Em tagged along to the mall with her cousin Moe and her Aunt. Moe was getting a second hole in her ear lobe like her mom had. Em watched curiously as her older cousin sat in the chair awaiting the metal stud to be shot through her delicate ear lobe. She watched Moe jump and cringe with the pain and put on a strong face. It was over in a matter of seconds and Moe was smiling again, glad it was over. Em’s Aunt then looks to Em and says ‘You’re next!’ and Em eagerly jumps up ready to climb into the chair and experience the same pain in order to be just like her big cousin. Nobody expected her to have that reaction, quickly she was told not today. She was not yet 3, and neither Mark or I were ready for Em to have pierced ears.

The topic didn’t come up again until a few months into Em’s first year in school. Being with all these other little girls who had beautiful stud earrings made her wish for her own. The first time she asked Mark and I, we told her it would hurt. Not to scare her, but to be sure she knew and understood it wasn’t as simple as walking into a store and putting on a pair of shoes. She wasn’t so interested anymore. Another month passed and she asked again. Once more we reminded her it would hurt but suggested that this time she talk to her cousin about it. Ask how much it hurt and for how long. I don’t know that she ever did ask Moe, But she wasn’t afraid of the pain that she would have to endure in the name of beauty. It was a sign that our little girl wasn’t a baby anymore.

So we started down the road to getting her ears pierced, looking into the best place to go, the cost, the side effects we could encounter with doing this. We opted for Claire’s as they would be able to have two staffers pierce simultaneously. It appeared to be clean and professional and the store has so many fun junky accessories that little girls adore. So if in dire need, we could aways distract her into calming down with the purchase of another necklace or hair band. 

Getting your ears pierced seems like a right of passage for little girls. A step from being a little girl still clouded with a connection to being a toddler to a little girl on the verge of becoming a big girl. And 5 seems to be the age where these girls are making the leap. No longer are they interested in all the things toddlers are, but there is more of an interest in the stuff geared towards tweens. No longer does Em want to watch Dora or Mickey Mouse, she’s more interested in Twinkerbell, Princesses and Hello Kitty. So celebrate Em’s 5th birthday, we jumped in. She’s not a baby anymore.

We made plans to all go together to the mall to pierce those little lobes of hers. At the store Em chose the earrings she wanted, a pair of cute purple titanium studs. The staffer prepared everything and Em leaped up on the stool excitedly. She tightly clutched the stuffed bear they had for girls to hold nervous in anticipation. She knew this would hurt.  Other people (mostly girls and their moms) realized Em was getting her first piercings they started to hang around to watch. Curious of what it might have been like when they were little and getting their ears pierced.

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Everything was ready, they had two staff members assume their positions, shiny metal piercing guns aimed at my daughters ear lobes. Em sat stiff as they lined up the piercing guns on the marked spots. On three!

One…

Two…

BANG!

She was pierced on two! Tricky. Em let out a loud OWWWWW then burst into tears. The women stepped back and I stepped in to hug her tight. My eyes welled up feeling the pain for her, I realized her sweet perfect little ear lobes have been changed forever.  With a deep breath her sobbing stopped and a smile grew on her face as she now looked into the mirror held by one of the staff who pierced her. She did it!

I now look at my 5 year old daughter with different eyes, she’s not a baby at all. She’s a beautiful young girl. And her earrings look wonderful, and as if they have always belonged there.

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