You need a boy… (That’s AWESOME!)

For some reason society seems to believe a family with a mom, a dad and two children is the ‘perfect’ family. Of course those two children better not be the same gender. Heaven for bid the perfect family have two girls.

I am bombarded with questions about when we are going to try for a boy. Even while still in the hospital after Is was born. The nurse asked if I had other children, upon hearing I had a little girl at home she declared we needed to try for a boy. How about I recover from the c-section before we start talking about the next baby?!

Why is it automatically assumed that we are unsatisfied with having two girls? I feel like we are in a great place, our girls are girly girls, but they also enjoy a lot of ‘boy’ things too. We have trucks and action figures, we play sports and get dirty. Sometimes those boy activities are done in a tutu, and that just adds to the fun.

Its unfair to Mark and myself to insinuate that we have some how failed in putting together family because we have yet to have a son. It’s unfair to my girls that people view one of them as the wrong gender. To be fair, nobody has ever flat out said our family is poorly designed because we have two girls rather then a boy and a girl. But comments about when we are going to try for a boy are terribly uncalled for in my mind.

I recently came across an image from TheLaughingStork.com that spoke to me in a way. How many kids you have vs. What people think.

After our wedding it was joked that we needed to start having kids right away in order to keep up with my husbands sister who had 3 (on purpose too!) After a year of trying for a child we started to loose hope. In that year we learned it may never happen for us and that my sister in law was expecting her 4th (also on purpose!). Thrilled for their joy and hurting for us. Especially when the questions about when we would have our first came. But not long after the birth of our third nephew we learned we were expecting Em.

Once Em was born it was awesome, adorable little girl, looks like mommy, energetic like daddy, all sorts of fun comments. Then came then ‘So, when are you going to have the boy?!’ when Em turned 1. Suddenly it felt like I was doing it wrong again. Why can’t I expand my family on my own schedule? Why do I have to follow the schedule you deem acceptable? Are you going to raise my children? Before I couldn’t even bat an eye my amazing sister in law was expecting her 4th son and Em was turning 2. Then the thought creeped in on me, maybe it’s time. Before Christmas we learned about another baby who would turn out to be another little girl. Before her birth people already showed disappointment in the news of a second little girl joining our family. For Mark and I it was nothing but excitement.

We brushed off comments about when we might try for a boy, and quietly enjoyed our perfect family which included 2 little girls. I think we even tuned them out until baby number three came into the plans. ‘Oh, you must be hoping for a boy this time!’ someone said to me. In my heart I felt we were expecting another girl and I was just thrilled to be adding another member to our family girl or boy. Then came the comments, are you trying to keep up with your sister in law who now had a heart and a home filled with the joy of 6 beautiful children. Why is it always a comparison? This is REAL LIFE not a battle to who can build the perfect family. So when we lost our 3rd child I became more angry with everyones comments towards me; and those close to me who have told me of all the comments they have had in regards to their family make up.

I fear when the next time someone might ask me when we are going to try to have a boy. Mostly I fear because I don’t know what will come out of my mouth. Catch me on a good day it might be a simple ‘We don’t know’. Catch me on a bad day about it might be an emotional word vomit about a miscarriage, and having challenges getting pregnant and who do you think you are for even asking me this personal information?’ I don’t know.

Whatever it may be, Mark and I love our world filled with princesses, dolls, tea parties and everything in pink. And in my opinion, people shouldn’t think anything more then ‘that’s awesome’ when it comes to how many kids a couple may have. Don’t try to start up a conversation with someone about the forms of birth control they may or may not be using, because it’s nobody’s freakin business but that couples. Don’t pass judgement as well intended as you might think it is on a couple for the family they may or may not have. A simple comment to a childless couple may cause more pain then they let on. That couple may have been trying, hoping and praying to be blessed with a child for years now.  Your comment to a mother about having ‘their hands full’ with X number of children doesn’t help either. Parents of children are fully aware how full their hands are with whatever gender and number of children they have.

Whatever a couple may have, the response should just be… THAT’S AWESOME!

You are what you eat

My kids health and wellbeing is my number one priority as a parent. I strive to make sure they are eating well and get lots of healthy foods and less of the junks. More fruits and veg less grains. I’ve set limits on the number of snacks they can have and what they can have. I’ve taught them that an hour before dinner it’s ok to be hungry. I promise them they will not die of starvation in that hour. Although they seem to disagree.

So why don’t I obey my own rules?! I try to make sure they get some sort of fruit with breakfast, yet I eat a bagel with peanut butter. Lunches for Em consist of a meat sandwich, yogurt and some fruit. Is usually has fruit, cheese or hummus and some crackers. And me…. lunch is some sort of left over from the last time we had pasta. A lump of lead in my stomach for the afternoon. Why don’t I eat like Is? Why do I keep consuming a heavy pasta which leaves me unhappy with myself? Dinner is usually pretty good, I cover all the food groups other then fruit usually. BBQ chicken, pork or beef with a garden salad, veggies, and sometimes rice or pasta. On busy nights I give in and make a pasta and side salad. I usually make my own meat sauce and hide loads of steamed veggies i’ve puree’d in it. The girls think they are getting away with something by not having any veggies, meanwhile…. they’re just hiding.

We have a rule that if you don’t eat your dinner, you are not allowed to have a snack later before bed if your hungry. We do make exceptions when we’ve tried a new recipe and it’s been a total fail. So if they are going to have a snack before bed its yogurt, apple sauce, or fruit. Another rule of mine I really should follow. Instead I find myself and Mark waiting until the girls are in bed, then sharing a bag of chips.

And my addiction to Diet Coke… I don’t allow my kids to have pop any other time other then special occasions. At grand parents houses, cousins birthdays. But never just because. So why don’t I follow my own rule. Some days it can be mid afternoon before it dawns on me that I haven’t had a glass of water. I crave the coffee in the morning to wake me up and get me moving, then fall back on my old habit of a pop with my lunch.

I look at what I eat and think know wonder I’m so tired and so unhappy with myself. If you are what you eat…. i’m nothing more then a carb.

Me, my big girl and the fireworks

It’s been a rough couple weeks for Em and I. For some reason we’ve been arguing off and on over the smallest of things. She’s declared how mean I am at least once a day. Hoping to break the tension and distract us from what’s been going on I’ve been looking for something for her and I to do together. So when a friend told Mark and I about some fireworks happening locally to celebrate the Victoria Day weekend we thought it would be fun to take Em.

With blanket for sitting on and a stop for hot chocolates off Em and I went to Port. We arrived in plenty of time and immediately Em was off playing at the play ground leaving me alone to feel sorry for myself that my kid didn’t want to spend time hanging out with me. In retrospect really she was just so excited about the whole things and a new playground she needed to explore and I was just being ridiculous in even thinking that she didn’t want to be with me. I think exhaustion got the best of me at that moment. Maybe I have been over sensitive to the actions of my 4 year old daughter. I think it’s time for me to step back and look at this situation again.

Once I shook the frustration of her desire to run and be on her own, I was able to have appreciation for her independence and confidence in being on her own. As she trekked down to the waters edge and tossed stones in the water I began to think how amazing it was that she is so confident in herself. She came back to the blanket we sat and snuggled and watched the people gather around as it got closer to dark. One family had brought these very cool lanterns that were like miniature hot air balloons. They lit a flame at the base which warmed the air inside the lantern and then off they floated over the water. It was so very beautiful to see them float off into the distance. One little girl came running up to us and declared it was Rapunzel’s birthday! Emily squealed in delight as she never knew when Rapunzel’s birthday was. And in the movie Tangled the king and queen released thousands of lanterns on her birthday. (If you haven’t seen Tangled, you should!)

Soon the fireworks began and the crowd Oooh’ed and Aww’ed at the amazing show being put on. Em was thrilled and truly impressed by the show. Her eyes wide she took in all the beauty, seeing all the different shapes and colours the fireworks presented. All my hurt and frustration with the fights we’ve had melted away. I got to do something so very special with my girl.

As I finished up writing this post Em came to me and thanked me again for taking her to the fireworks. My beautiful girl! Inside and out!

Hold it!

Perhaps, I’m a prude. Maybe I just have manners and common sense. But the other day I was horrified and down right disgusted. As a parent I like to think it takes alot to disgust and horrify me. But it happened.
As I waited in a parking lot to meet up with some friends I witnessed an older gentleman man. Peeing next to his van. And really not all that discreetly. There wasn’t another car next to him and he faces out onto a busy road. Truly gross.

It made me wonder. Why is it socially acceptable for men to behave in such a way. Is it acceptable? How would that man feel to see a woman squatting next to her car having a pee? It’s not like there wasn’t places near by to make a pit stop. It’s just gross! And this behavior needs to change.